Chris Wondra . com

I thought it might be fun to share some student work.

What you are about to see comes from a unit on persuasion. The products are “Spooky” mostly because I’m a bit twisted, but also because it happened to be around Halloween.

I like this unit because I like to teach things that students can use right now. Sadly, however, the shear power of this information is lost on most 8th graders.

Of course the lessens and activities are also packed with tons of Wisconsin’s Language Arts State Standards–but that’s boring to talk about. The power of knowing your audience, evidence, propaganda, psychology, features, benefits, and a strong call to action–not to mention all the other stuff that goes into good writing and thinking–now (to me anyway) that’s fun stuff.

After introducing and working with these concepts (mostly in the context of advertising and marketing) I asked the students to create a fictional “Spooky Product or Service” and market it. The final project was in three parts.

1. A sales letter for direct mail (many think of this as junk mail)
2. A poster/advertisment
3. And finally a commercial that they would perform live.

Here is a link to download my grading criteria for the sales letter.
sales-letter-rubric.doc

I have more pictures of posters but I’m having a bugger of a time optimizing them for this blog. Wordpress doesn’t play nice with Safari and I don’t have a good image editor on my PC using Explorer (like Photoshop or Fireworks), so then I have to do a bunch of saving and transfering and it’s just getting to be too much of a pain–maybe later when I have more time.

The writing is really where it’s at anyway.

Enjoy!

Scary Stud Muffin Underpants

Dear Friend,

Are you sick and tired of being the laughing stalk of Hallowen parties?
Are your costumes so lame it just doesn’t matter anymore?
Are you too busy to put together a good costume?

If your answer is yes to any of these, Scary Stud Muffin Underpants are for you. Scary Stud Muffin Underpants (SSMU) are the costumes of the future. Using our revolutionary patent pending magic material, we hand-create each pair of underpants to fit you. All you have to do for an amazing costume is put them on, insert a cartridge, and watch the magic before your eyes. It’s easy as 1,2,3!

We have over 276,486,497,597,659,764,536,535 cartriges so you will never have the same costume as that snobby cheerleader at the Halloween dance. Some of our cartridges include caveman princess, scary cats, hitchhikers, Barney, Paris Hilton, and our #1 best seller–Michael Jackson with interchangeable noses!

Do you still have some doubt? Listen to these testimonials:

“Every one made fun of me, my costume was the same thing every year, a white sheet with holes in it. My girlfriend dumped me for being so lame. I decided to buy these undies . . . I was desprate. Imagine my happiness when I buy these, insert a cartridge, and suddenly I’m a hot stud Muffin! Now the ladies want me.” Angus Prorewter.

“I never had a good costume! I bought one at Wal Mart every year and like a billion other people had my same costume. I got these underpants and they are so comfortable (like farting on a cloud). So I bought a cartridge and I was a super hot Genie!” –Alberta Unicorn

Having a good costume is a huge part of your self-esteem.

• Our features include
• Comfortable breathable fabric
• Trillions of costumes
• 4 fabulous colors
• 4 styles (boxers, briefs, bikini, thongs)

So remember, if you:

• Are scared of your lame costume
• Don’t want to buy a costume from Wal Mart
• Want to be a stud muffin

SSMU is for you!

Send your payment to:
SSMU Company
5678 West Whollor Way
Little Kicklekoff, WA, 75646

The Vampire Drink

Dear Vampire,

If you have a good vampire accent, you will be able to:
Have the classic saying, “I vill suck your blood,” and be as sharp as it will get.
Rise to the top of the vampire community.
Have a better job because your boss will like your accent because it makes you sound smart.

It’s called “The Vampire Drink.” This drink will be the best accent drink you ever had. You won’t get any bad side effects like getting and English accent. Only 15% of Vampires have real accents and all of them have become successful.

You will become popular with your rich neighbors that always think they’re better than you. You should buy this product because everyone is getting it and if you don’t get it, you won’t have a vampire accent and you will look dumb. Did you know that the famous Count Dracula uses “The Vampire Drink” and says it is the best drink out there?

“The Vampire Drink” is a lot better than the “Accent 200″ because it always works. You have to take “Accent 200″ once every week! It’s not worth it to buy “Accent 200″ over “The Vampire Drink.”

Call 1-800-thevampiredrink

If you call now, you will get a free vampire cape.

Call to get this amazing product for only $19.99 a bottle.

It will be in a science beaker and it will be green and bubbly with a bad smell, but it will be worth it!

Monster Mask

Dear B-Skillet,

In the past few weeks I have noticed you have been scared of mosters.
You Hide in your closets; you cannot get your daily tan!
You eat regular muffins instead of stud muffins!
You let all the soccer goals in the net like Luke!
You run around without your Scary Stud Muffin Underwear!
You rode a tricycle downtown singing, “I’m a little monkey with four tails, and I eat turtle to save the grass.” Instead of, “Auney is a cat, a scary scary cat!”

I believe that the Monster Mask will help you. How? You ask. Well one day I wanted to help you and I made a mask. This mask will protect you from monsters. When you wear the Monster Mask, monsters can’t see you. You’re probably thinking that is false. But to test it I personally went up to the greatest, meanest, crabbiest monster in the world, Monster Babologona (Gasp).

Monster Bablogona did nothing. I threw rocks, sticks, and even French Toast at him and he didn’t even see me. He noticed getting hit with rocks, sticks and French Toast, but he didn’t se me. So, B-Skillet, I believe you should buy this Monster Mask. And with a great price and ordering now you can get the Monster Mask 3000, which also has a Halloween Costume with it, so it doesn’t take all month to find the best Halloween Costume at the dance.

Do you still not believe me B.? Well listen to this.

“One day Monster Apponie Jr. the third came to my friend’s door. The monster came inside and killed my friend. (Tear). That day I saw the monster mask on my big screen and I got it as soon as I saw it. That day Monster Apponie Jr the third came into my house, and I put on the mask, the monster didn’t even know I was int he house. After the monster saw no one was in the house, then the monster left the building.” –Evil Prestly

“Like one day like the ugliest monster came into my house. I like told him to get out and was like o my gosh, because he like didn’t get out of my like mansion. Whatever. My dad like brought me this monster mask and I mean I was like totally nervous and I put the mask on. Then like that monster didn’t even see me. I was like so safe. Ha-ha. Like yeah . . .” Paris Hilton.

Listen to these awesome benefits and features!

Benefits:

• No monsters will kill you.
• No monsters will see you.
• You can wear the mask and no one will be able to tell.
• You will be safe when you are wearing it.
• You will be the one of few who doesn’t die from a monster.

Features:

• Clear (So no one will know that you are wearing it)
• Never rips
• You don’t know it’s on your face.
• Soft/smooth
• Water Proof
• You only have to buy one! (It never gets old)
• Comes with Monster Mask 3000

B-Skillet it’s very unsafe to go outside without the Monster Mask. You will be safe with the Monster Mask–unlike people without the Monster Mask. In the long run B., you will be living your wonderful life alive, not dead.

So if you value your life, buy the Monster Mask!

To Buy This Product call now:
1-800-Monstermask
OR
Order Online now at www.monstermask.com

BUY NOW . . .WHILE YOU’RE STILL ALIVE

We accept any kind of credit card and cash!

Blood Punch

Hello you Vampires out there.

I have a product that you will go batty over. My name is Sir Bloodyhimer. I am a teacher at Vampire University. The product I have just finished is Blood Punch. Blood Punch is made with:

• 90% blood
• 1% sugar
• 9% human flesh

Now I understand that all of you Vampires are very busy at Night. Every year, hundreds of Vampires die because they do not get much blood. So get as much blood as you can Vampires!

You may think that it is a hassle to chase after humans to drink blood from their veins. Now, I understand what you have to go through to get dinner at night. It is tough to be a Vampire, and I am here to help.

My product can solve your problem very easily. Instead of chasing people around just to have a little bit of blood, you can drink Blood Punch. It saves you hours of running. All you do is drink 1/4 of the gallon for one meal. So you will go through a lot of Blood Punch, but you will never have to chase humans again.

You may be wondering where you can get Blood Punch. Well, it is available at your local Wal Marts, Kmarts, Targets and many more. You can find it in the grocery section, next to the cookies. Blood Punch costs $10.00 a gallon.

Do you want to know where we get the blood for Blood Punch? Well, we find dead animals on the side of the road and bring them back to our laboratory. At our lab, we squeeze the Blood out of the amimals and use it for the punch.

You Vampires should not put Blood Punch in your garage, because other Vampires will try to steal it. So keep your Blood Punch in your coffin. You might be scared to find out where we get the human flesh. Well, we dress up as nurses and go into hospitals. We find human flesh from surgery rooms. Don’t worry, we take all of the fat off.

Guess what, I have just made a prediction that Blood Punch will make Vampire’s teeth fresh, and smell good. So make sure to drink a lot of Blood Punch.

So what do you think? It sounds really good, doesn’t it? If you are interested and want to find out a little bit more about Blood Punch, call 1-800-blood.

Bone Polishing Service

Dear Skeletons,

Do you ever feel like you have dirtier or more stained bones than everyone else? I know exactly what you feel like because I used to have dirty and stained bones too. If you answer yes to any of these questions below you should get a bone polish from the Bone Polishing Service!

• Do people stare at your dirty bones?
• Do you have aging signs showing on your bones?
• Are you over the age of 200?
• Are your bones just not as white as they used to be?
• Are you embarassed to show your bones?

If you answered yes to any of these questions I have now made a cure for all that! With the Bone Polishing Service you will no longer have dirty or stained bones. The Bone Polishing Service is here for all you skeletons with yellow or dirty bones.

This product will take away 99% of bone stains–guarenteed. It will take away stains from aging, coffee, dirt, yellowness and much more.

With a bone polish people will no longer be staring at tour bones and people will watch the sun glisten off them.

Skeletons like other skeletons to look clean and iff you get a bone polish you will look sparkling clean! Even expert doctor, Claire Bones says, “Bone Polishing removes all stains from your aging body.”

If you get a full body polish, the polish will last up to two years.
If you want your bones to stay stain free until you reach 1,000 years you should get a bone polish every two years.

So if you want to feel better about your bones you should get them cleaned and polished at the Bone Polishing Service for only $156. That is an amazing deal because most polishing companies cost thousands of dollars. To schedule a bone polishing appointment, just call (815) 124-1918. Have your credit card ready or cash. Our bone polishing headquarters are at 18 St. Sunnny Sally, CA. you can also stop in to schedule an appointment.

Windowless Housing Construction

Dear Vampires,

Whenever I came home I was miserable. Every night water puddles werw all over. It was really cold or freezing, and by the time I tried to fix everything up I missed out on supper. It was uncomfortable sleeping on cold, hard rocky floors. It took me hours to fall asleep.

You are now able to live in houses and dump the caves. We have just come out with a house for you. I know what it is like living in a cave. I hated it, but I needed to stay away from the light and the caves were the best place. Our company will help you. You will feel like you are living the high life.

• No windows what so ever
• Built in security system
• $150,000–$300,000 per house
• Open all year
• Comes with a free car

Windowless Housing Construction is open all year 24/7 except on Halloween. We charge about $150,000–$300,000 per house. Unlike other contractors like those guys at Freeman. They charge $300,000–1,000,000! Our houses are buillt with the best quality wood and cost much less. That will block the light from coming in through little cracks thanks to Dr. Rebecca Watson and Dr. Paige Swenson. Their research has told us that 9 out of 10 Vampires have approved our finest quality. We place a built in security system so if someone comes to your home you can see who it is without going into the light.

If you would like a 100% lifetime satisfaction guarentee and a free car then you should call us at 1-800-keep-the-light-away. Or visit us at nomorelight.com I bet you will fall in love with our construction work and enjoy the home of your dreams.

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