From Webster’s College Dictionary:
double entendre n. a word or expression used so that it can be understood in two ways, esp. when one meaning is risqué.
Book projects/reports are due next week. For most, this is not news. Of course, these four had no idea this was coming. Well, maybe they thought they might have heard something about this, but lets face it, there’s a lot to think about when you’re a thirteen year old boy.
Anyway, with a due date of next Monday looming, and a social calendar similar (I’m sure) to that of a presidential candidate, today they finally launched into action. They assured me they had everything under control. All they really needed to do was finish a, get started on a project choice, finish their, start a book, find a book.
After a quick huddle, the four asked to visit the library. I gave them a hall pass and wished them luck.
Fifteen minutes later they were all back in my room, books in hand.
But . . . something was wrong. They just couldn’t settle down.
I gave them the look.
I shushed them.
I called them by name.
Then I realized my teacher/superhero senses were buzzing like crazy. This wasn’t your normal disruptive student chatter. It was laced with something more. Something not quite right. Those chortles weren’t the innocent results of good clean humor. No this was different.
This had the sort of tone you’d expect when somebody finds skin in a National Geographic magazine.
And they were passing a book around.
Nope. Definitely not good.
I walked forward and immediately recognized the book they were passing was way below their reading level. It was something you might easily find in a second grade classroom. This kid was obviously trying to get away with reporting on an easy book, hoping/thinking he could get cite some loophole in the assignment criteria.
“Ok guy’s. What’s going on?” I said. “And S_____, you don’t actually think that book is acceptable for this project, do you?”
(Snorts and chuckles from the group)
I dismissed his protestations handily. That’s right—I mocked him. He really didn’t put up much of a fight.
“Ok, all right, Mr. Wondra,” he said. “But you have to read this! It’s SICK!”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s disgusting! Read it!”
I could tell he wasn’t backing down, so I took the book.
The group, indeed now half the class, tittered on the edge of their seats.
The title of the book was, Horrible Harry and the Purple People, by Suzy Kline. Pictures by Frank Remkiewicz.
“Read the first two pages!” By now S____ was practically frothing at the mouth. “How can they have this stuff in school!”
I opened the book to the first page. Everything was what you’d expect from an elementary grade storybook—large font, short sentences, easy words.
The first chapter was titled “The Purple People.”
I’ll never forget my last week in second grade.
It was strange.
It was wild.
It all started when Harry showed me his brand-new ruler.
“Hey, Doug,” he said, “have you ever seen anything like this?”
I took his ruler and rubbed my hand over it. “Tough wood. It’s a lot better than the plastic ones we use at school. I like that row of purple monsters painted at the top.”
I looked up, deadpan. S___ was about to explode.
“What?” I said. “I don’t get it.”
“But . . . th . . . I mean!”
“S___” I said seriously. “Will you please tell me what is so funny about a ruler?”
He didn’t have the guts. Neither did anybody else.
A pitty. Would have been a great class discussion.
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13 responses so far ↓
1 Jess // Mar 20, 2007 at 10:41 pm
What gets me is that this book was in the Library. Im assuming this was the SCHOOL library and not the local library, but either way; what porn classes as READING material?! Admittedly, kids will be curious, and thats OKAY. Whats NOT okay is that this sort of material is provided WITHOUT the knowledge of pregnancy or safe sex. I see girls that have barely gotten over the acne of puberty with big pregnant bellies and its reasons like this that it happens. You cant blame everything on the parents. Kids spend 80% of their time in the class-room.. They need to know. And most parents are too oblivious or cowardice to tell them. “You’ll make god cry.” bullshit. He’s crying anyway!
Um . . . Huh???
CW
2 Josh // Mar 20, 2007 at 11:19 pm
Oh, C’mon. A younger child wouldn’t understand the entendre(look at top of page) of hard wood. Older children don’t usually return to such remedial reading. It certainly would have made an engaging class discussion.
3 Matthew // Mar 20, 2007 at 11:45 pm
I give up, it said something remotely akin to hard wood, or woody, or hard on. These are adolescent boys what the hell do you expect.
I am a Masters Degreed Librarian (in addition to a MSChem, MBA and 4 undergrad degrees) what is the big deal. It was not Dr. Comfort’s Joy of Sex.
Move on. If these little bastages can’t get a book report done by the deadline give them an F. If they can’t pass the class give them and F. Stop playing along with them, stop social promotion and teach them. They have plenty of friends stop trying to be one. Teach, stop telling people you are and ‘educator’. Lazy union idiots.
4 doodaddy // Mar 21, 2007 at 12:44 am
There’s nothing like the mind of a tweener, huh? I used to teach ‘em biology, and found that the best answers were the straight answers, no goofing. Then I would pass around a baculum to see if they could figure out what it was.
5 B // Mar 21, 2007 at 8:21 am
When I read comments like some of these, it reminds me how the internet can truly bring all sorts of people together… Even if some of them are complete idiots.
Stop bragging about your degrees and wake up to the fact that education is much more than passing and failing. Perhaps you could earn a degree in humor to add to your other “mail-order” documentation.
6 tobeme // Mar 21, 2007 at 9:25 am
When hormones are raging, our mind can find double entendre in just about anything!
Great story!
Yep. Welcome to my world. It does get old though.
CW
7 Erik // Mar 21, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Crap on a stick. Put four teenage boys together and after a while something sexual will come of it. Big woop! What get me is the comment that questions the books existence in the School Library. RTFB for how it is written. I don’t know any part of the external anatomy that is purple or that I would want monsters painted on. Chris… keep writing, you got style. Please leave the parenting to us parents. And the teaching to us all.
8 Kenzie // Mar 21, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Chris-
Awesome article as always. It’s good that you can confrotn a situation with humor, and that you can make a point without having to yell or fail kids like some teachers…who take the easy way out. You remind me a lot of the teachers I had in high school (not because I was a bad student, but because I had, obviously, teenage boys in my classes, too) and, you know, those were the sort of teachers I learned most from– not just about school, but life in general.
Yay for Chris Wondra!
Kenzie
Thanks again Kenzie. Though, sometimes I think you give me too much credit.
CW
9 lollie pop // Apr 5, 2007 at 5:33 pm
oh wow that was funny, i can’t believe you didn’t get but hey im still laughing. I can’t beilieve im actually going to say this but, i actually like that post, it mad me laugh….HARD. i don’t care what anybody says, thats funny. Whats even funnier is you didn’t get it……. HA HA HA HA HA HA
I think who ever S______ is and his group of friends would be a blast to hang out with, they sound like they no how to have a good time… hard wood, wow that a funny one……. Better then plastic. HAHAHAHAH im stall laughing
oh can you answer a question for me……..
Do you get it yet?????
10 lollie pop // Apr 5, 2007 at 5:37 pm
oh and what is with the first comment, i think she got it, but i don’t think she thought it was funny, heck i did
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
You didn’t even get it
(P.S) oh and did you notice
i DIDN”T swear… i said heck……
11 Teacher Tools: Funny Test Answers // Apr 18, 2007 at 6:43 pm
[…] Tools: Persuasive Writing (Student Work) Student Work: Sometimes They Say the Darndest Things You see silly male adolescence. I see masters of double entendre. var sc_project=2445739; var sc_invisible=0; var sc_partition=23; var […]
12 Teacher Tools: Funny Test Answers // May 8, 2007 at 5:35 pm
[…] Related Posts: Teacher Tools: Persuasive Writing (Student Work) Student Work: Sometimes They Say the Darndest Things You see silly male adolescence. I see masters of double entendre. […]
13 Waffles // Dec 21, 2007 at 12:43 pm
Yes…as we all have figured out, teenage boys have quite the complex mind. (sarcastically, of course.) And I find it to be extremely humorous. If you think that is something, you should write an article on the teens at my school. (yes, I am a teen girl…I can post a comment here too.) Every day…something happens with those crazy boys…whether they know I am watching them or not LOL. Keep writing, I find your work interesting and down to earth.
P.S–What grade(s) do you teach?
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