So-and-so did you wrong. Really F’d up right? And it sucks. But time passes, and the pain and ick of it sort of wear down to a dull edge.
It still sucks. But life goes on, right?
Every once in awhile, however, something happens and it all comes rushing back–along with all the pain and resentment.
Not fun.
People say, let it go. Move on. Forgive. Be happy. No big deal. Build a bridge and get over it.
They’re right, of course, and you know it, but you can’t help yourself. You keep picking at the scab. You search for answers. None come. You hunt for reasons, but they stay hidden.
Soon the dry scab’s off. Blood seeps from the old wound and forms a drop which falls to the floor.
Or maybe it’s a tear.
Whatever.
But what if it was like this:
You’re in a band, right? And you’re jamming with your pals. And everything’s good. Until . . .
Jackass over here hits a wrong note.
Totally not what you expected. You thought he was better than that. Much better. So this doesn’t make any sense. None at all. It was such an easy note to hit.
What do you do?
Search for reasons? Hunt for answers? Try to make some sense of this?
It was one lousy note. The song was pretty good up until then. Do you stop? Try to figure it out?
Or do you keep jamming?
Obviously, you keep jamming.
Maybe you look up. Jackass (I mean Al) greets your gaze apologetically. The song moves on. And by now the bad note is long gone–along with (by the way) all the good ones. And the beat goes on. So you let it. ‘Cause you’re jamming, and it’s good. And you’re kind of pumped because you’re getting to the part of the song where you have a solo–and you rock.
You rock-on. Literally.
And the only note that matters is the one you’re playing right now. There’s no time to look back, no time to look ahead much. The beat urges you ahead. The notes fly from your fingers, from your guitar or keyboard or trumpet–from your soul.
Yet each note rings for only a moment. Then it’s over. Gone.
Such is the nature of music. Such is the nature of life. Each note fills the rhythm–but the rhythm pounds ahead. Regardless. Nothing is carried with it. Everything is left behind.
And the fun is only what’s next, what’s next, what’s next.
And it’s sooo damn good that way.
You catching my drift here?
Now, if Al continues to play the wrong notes, you’re going to have to make a decision, right? Maybe he’s not taking this as seriously as you are. Maybe he’s not willing to do what it takes to be able to play with you–at your level. Maybe he just wants to Fuck around. You know, you can cheat only so long but eventually your bad habits catch up.
Maybe Al is happy playing the small gigs. The smoky, crappy, bars. Maybe you’re looking for something with a little more class. Maybe you just want to play really good music.
Whatever.
Anyway–if that’s the case, you may have to cut him, right? Go your separate ways.
But if it’s just one note. Or one bad gig even. I mean–what the hell right? We can all make mistakes. We can all have an off night once in awhile.
Right?
So the rest of the members of the band aren’t as talented as you. Not as “good”. What are you going to do? Try to figure out why he or she missed that last note two, five, thirty beats back?
Or are you going to keep jamming?
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Mark // Sep 25, 2007 at 12:03 pm
Chris,
Excellent analogy to “getting over it”. Living in the now and understanding that we must let go of the ‘bad notes’ of life is key! Thanks for the link to my blog. Love your writing, hope you have more opportunities to write.
Thanks Mark,
I need to take a lesson and learn how you keep up such a consistantly high energy level with everything you do–so I can write more often.
You amaze me.
Anyway. Thanks again–for everything.
Chris
2 RubyShooZ // Sep 25, 2007 at 3:38 pm
I agree with Mark. This is indeed a wonderful analogy and I appreciate the way you put it. I would like to write about this topic too - soon - and I’m thankful to you for your thoughts. You are eloquent and quite obviously a talented writer! Thanks, peace and music.
~ RS ~
P.S. Are you aware this “theme” breaks in IE? Yes, I admit it, I often use IE since FF is slow to load on my puter sometimes.
Peace again.
N.
Thanks Ruby for your kind words.
And good luck with your own take on this topic. I’ve actually been meaning to write “soon” about forgiveness for quite a while now. Maybe now I can get started. There’s more to be said–eventually.
–Yes, I know this theme is broken in some older versions of IE. But I made a decision to not mess with it. Too much work. I don’t get it. It’s a bummer but I don’t want to get it either. Thanks for the heads up though.
Chris
3 Sam Sizer // Sep 30, 2007 at 9:46 pm
Interesting analogy! Sometimes it is hard though, when it affects you long term mentally, but, when it’s small stuff I’d have to agree. Glad to see you writing again! I clicked the RSS Feed and saw two new blogs! Great!
~Sam Sizer
You use RSS. I’m impressed!
CW
4 Doing it Differently Blog Carnival, 12th Edition | Today is that Day // Oct 1, 2007 at 7:49 pm
[…] Wondra presents Music: A Metaphor for Forgiveness posted at Chris Wondra . […]
5 Sam Sizer // Oct 1, 2007 at 10:09 pm
Not sure if I should double comment or not but I guess I might since I can’t seem to edit the above post. Yeah, I don’t use it much though since the opportunity doesn’t come up much. I’m actually sort of a computer guy. I have my own YouTube Channel with about 60 channels, it’s mostly G rated, I swear one or two times at Windows, but, that’s pretty typical haha. All from speeding Firefox up using the about:config to installing hardware. Just my calling.
You can delete this comment once you’re done reading this since it’s a bit off topic haha.
~Sam
6 Ann Nominous // Oct 31, 2007 at 7:20 pm
So,
I wonder if you apply this message to your own life? It’s easy to say it, but do you actually forgive - even, long-ago hurts? Just want everyone to remember; we all do the best we know how to do at the time. It might not be the best way to do things, but it’s all a person might know how to do; and that person is doing the best that person knows. It’s not a deliberate mistake. It’s an unintentional mistake. The person might not even realize a mistake has been made. Then, because you are hurt from it, do you ever forgive? You might think that person knows better. But the person does not. What do you do then? And, by the way, what about the notes you have missed. Deliberately, are unintentionally. Or are you better than everyone, as you imply above?
Hang on a second Ann . . .(clank, fumble, bump)
There.
In order to respond, I had to set down my guitar. Because it sounds like either:
1) You don’t believe I practice what I preach–and so am not (as it may have sounded from my post) some sort of all knowing, Budda/Dali Lama/Christ-like incarnation of perfection.
Or
2) You’re a bit defensive about something.
Or
3) Maybe a little of both.
Ann, in responding, there are a lot of different directions I could go, and would kind of like too. I think a discussion here would be healthy. There are even probably at least a couple of independent posts of response here.
But I might be able to sum up my thoughts in saying that forgiveness–real forgiveness–is an intensely personal process. Meaning, it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone other than the forgiver.
It’s a process of letting go of events, people and things. It’s an experience of solitary detachment, from which a person can then be present in each moment, without consideration for results or implications or relationships past or future. Forgiveness is truly a selfish act.
With true forgiveness, whether or not the offender/forgiven “knew better” or not is irrelevant. Whether or not the offender/forgiven acknowledges the “mistake” is irrelevant. Whether or not the person asks for forgiveness is irrelevant. Whether the person seeks redemption is irrelevant.
I used to think it was impossible to forgive a liar. You know:
“I heard you made a mistake, is this true?”
“Nope. Not true.”
That’s why true forgiveness has to be a selfish act–be it forgiving yourself, or forgiving another. Real lasting forgiveness (the hardest kind of forgiveness) happens regardless, independent of any act by the forgiven.
I invite your further comments Ann.
Chris
7 Carnival of Self Help and Inspiration - Sep 2007 // Nov 14, 2007 at 9:50 am
[…] Wondra presents Music: A Metaphor for Forgiveness posted at Chris Wondra . com (editor says: a nice metephor on how to learn to get over it and get […]
8 Dave // Nov 14, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Hi, I’m a high school student who’s supposed to be studying for a Calc quiz, but instead got distracted by your blog. (and it’s 12:30 AM, haha) You do great work, btw, and I would have loved you as a teacher. But this post I just simply had to reply to. Campbell’s Journey and the Fisher King’s Grail notwithstanding, something has always bothered me a bit about that particular paradigm. Someone very wise once said that in life, we become intoxicated with life, with its beauty, its magnificence. It is after our summer of youth, he (or she, maybe) said, when we become old and infirm and often more wearied, that we wonder why, and for what. In other words, even if it’s true that forgiving, and living in the moment, brings meaning and fulfillment, does that answer the big question IT? Does it make up for the fact that at the end of the day, we become dust? I mean, statesmen become incredibly obsessed with their “legacy” at their death, as a result of this elemental question. Laypeople simply believe in heaven. I mean, go ahead, live life for life. Live it happily, wholesomely, cleanly. But so what? But why? Are we simply higher order automatons when God (assuming he does exist, of course) looks upon us?
Haha, how this relates to derivatives, I don’t know.
9 Crystal Anderson // Nov 28, 2007 at 4:46 pm
Interesting. I never thought of it that way. It’s quite amazing how you have changed my perspective on different things just by reading a bit of your work. Previous to reading this entry, I probably would have stopped “jamming” and whines about the situation. But when you put it in those terms, it makes a lot more sense. What’s the point? Is there a point? Is it worth it to stop everything in your life and focus on one thing that over time will go away? I don’t think it’s worth it. If one little thing happens, let it go by. focus on the good things, right?
Thanks for explaining your perspective, because it really did change mine.
See you in school,
Crystal
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