Chris Wondra . com

Alright.

I’ve got this student who likes to act like a complete moron (I presume) to get attention. Notice here, I did not say that he was a complete moron. I said he likes to act like one. There’s a difference. It’s called tact. Remember that term–tact. It’s a key concept in dealing with parents that often will determine a win/win from a crash and burn type of “You’re a mean, nasty teacher who is just out to crush my child’s creative spirit” type of conflict. We will revisit the concept of tact later in this lesson.

But now back to our story.

This particular student’s favorite method of attention getting is to tiptoe across the line of socially acceptable behavior. Lately it’s been farting.

Now don’t get me wrong. Farts can be funny. But as a worldly academic snob, I understand that there are boundaries, limits, social norms. I know when enough is enough. 8th graders, however (boys especially), don’t always get this. They think that because something was funny once, it will always be funny. For the adolescent, repetition is funny.

Understanding this as well, I’m not one to knee jerk when I start to get irritated with a behavior in my classroom. My first response is to work with the kid. But I wasn’t getting through, so lately I’ve begun giving this kid detentions to help him understand that farting, while funny once, gets old and stupid if you do it 2-3 times every day in my class.

Plus it stinks and pisses me off.

After giving him two detentions on two different days, I was about to call his parents, but his dad beat me to it by emailing me a note that might be interpreted in any number of ways. Clearly, however, whatever message Dad got from his son did not fully communicate the extent of the disruption said son was causing. At least, based on Dad’s communication, I hoped it did not. My guess is that Son may have even complained to his parents that his teacher was punishing him for a normal bodily function that could not be controlled.

So here is Dad’s email to me:

B. . . has informed his mother and me about concerns regarding his flatulence and I wish to inform you that we are well aware of his tendencies. He comes upon this biologically and without disclosing too much about his maternal genetic history I will say this will be an ever present concern.

Do you have any ideas on how B. . . can relieve himself and not disturb his classmates (charcoal filters perhaps)? Please feel free to either call or e-mail any ideas.

I thank you,

L. . . T. . .Fart Flatulence

My reaction to this can, in all honesty, be broken into two thoughts:
1) Heh, heh–very funny, and . . .
2) Dude. Don’t mess with me. My kung-fu is strong.

I was particularly discouraged by Dad’s comment that this would be an, “ever present concern.” What that says to me is that nobody is willing to really take this too seriously or accept any responsibility.

The seriously part I understand. Heck this is farting we’re talking about. The responsibility issue however . . . not so much.

But, also understanding a parent’s urge to defend his young–especially against attacks related to natural bodily functions–I knew I would have to employ some tact. What follows is my reply:

Well, he could start by not drawing so much attention to the situation by resisting the urge to wave his arms and hands wildly around his rear-end every time he passes gas. Refraining from laughing loudly and uncontrollably would be another good start. He might also choose to say nothing instead of something typical like, “Eww that one was raunchy!” You know, just generally try to not make the learning environment even worse (than the stink) by being vocally loud or physically disruptive.

B… is also always welcome to (quietly) exuse himself from the room (perhaps to a more appropriate venue such as the restroom) in order to dispell a build up of gas. Again here I feel I must stress the word “quietly.” Shouting for all the class to hear something along the order of, “MR WONDRA! CAN I GO OUT IN THE HALL SO I CAN FART!?!?!” would not be appropriate. I have spoken to B… about these solutions but, alas, he has so far chosen not to try them.

Have you tried to change his diet? There are several dietary things that may be causing this problem. Aside from that, B… may also find some relief by visiting the pharmacist or if none of the above works, a Dr. The interesting thing about this problem from my perspective is that I have not heard that he does this in anybody else’s class. So either it is a respect issue, or a morning issue that seems to get better as the day (and whatever is in his digestive tract) moves along.

Just some thoughts. Thanks for you attention and understanding.

Chris

Now, partly so she would know what was going on if this parent came in with his hair on fire, and partly because I thought she would find it amusing, I blind copied this to my principal. Because I thought they would appreciate it, I also blind copied this to a few of my colleagues who know either the parent, the student, or both.

Everybody got a good yuck (that’s slang for “chuckle” in these parts) out of it. Which proves beyond a sliver of doubt that farts are indeed funny. But that is beside the point. The real point here is that based on Dad’s reply to my email, my communication with this parent was effective.

I will assure that B… is in compliance. Please advise if he does not improve dramatically. B’s job is to learn–not act the fool.
L…

Tact.

Case closed.

Enough said.

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