Chris Wondra . com

The title of this post is taken from actual packaging for a steam iron.

Turns out that not only are there lots of silly warnings on tags, packages and signs around the world, but now there’s an actual organization whose mission it is to campaign against such “gobbledygook.”

They call themselves the Plain English Campaign and they say they’ve been, “Fighting for Crystal Clear Communication Since 1979.”

Recently they’ve been mocking the British Police for signs such as this:

A spokesman sums up the problem:

“They assume a lack of intelligence on the part of the reader - ‘Do not commit crime. Pay for fuel’ is hardly a deterrent to a criminal who has every intention of driving off without paying, and is merely an aggressive reminder to everyone else.

“I think the phenomenon comes from a combination of branding and PR spin, combined with the obsession companies have with covering themselves.

The Plain English Campaign cites further examples of “pointless notices,”:

Warning: Platform ends here (on the end of rail station platforms)

May cause drowsiness (on sleeping tablets)

Removing the wheel can influence the performance of the bicycle (from a Dutch bicycle manual)

Once used rectally, the thermometer should not be used orally (on a digital thermometer)

At first I thought this “campaign” was just so much nonsense. I mean, really–who has time for such endeavors. But when I started looking into their website a bit, I realized I could definitely relate.

Their complete mission is:

Since 1979, we have been campaigning against gobbledygook, jargon and misleading public information. We have helped many government departments and other official organizations with their documents, reports and publications. We believe that everyone should have access to clear and concise information.

Hell, I’ve been campaigning for the same now since 1993 myself. One thing I’ve learned in that time is that there is no correlation between how smart you are and how well you communicate. Right now I can point out some extremely intelligent english teachers who don’t value or practice clear and concise.

These people are smart as tacks. But they come across as arrogant and intimidating. They have interesting things to say, but I can’t stand listening or reading so their message is often lost.

Plain English Campaign illustrates my point with some before and after examples from their site:

Here are some examples of long-winded official writing, with our suggested improvements.

Before
High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process.

After
Children need good schools if they are to learn properly.

Before
If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone.

After
If you have any questions, please phone.

Before
It is important that you shall read the notes, advice and information detailed opposite then complete the form overleaf (all sections) prior to its immediate return to the Council by way of the envelope provided.

After
Please read the notes opposite before you fill in the form. Then send it back to us as soon as possible in the envelope provided.

Before
Your inquiry about the use of the entrance area at the library for the purpose of displaying posters and leaflets about Welfare and Supplementary Benefit rights, gives rise to the question of the provenance and authoritativeness of the material to be displayed. Posters and leaflets issued by the Central Office of Information, the Department of Health and Social Security and other authoritative bodies are usually displayed in libraries, but items of a disputatious or polemic kind, whilst not necessarily excluded, are considered individually.

After
Thank you for your letter asking for permission to put up posters in the library. Before we can give you an answer we will need to see a copy of the posters to make sure they won’t offend anyone.

Pow.

Bottom line: You got something to say? Great. Can you say it with fewer words? Do it. You’re not impressing anyone.

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