Chris Wondra . com

I just met the new kid. He seems kind of sad.
His mom’s got a new a boyfriend–which wasn’t so bad until out of the blue and for no reason he said,
“It’s me or the kid toots.
I don’t like the lad.”
So now he’s the new kid. He lives with his dad.

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Courtesy The Onion
I might add:
“Hey! What’s this swimming in the toilet?”
“The cat just barfed . . .and it’s your turn.”
“Did you remember to unhook the dog from the hitch before we left?”
“Mom wants you, and she’s got a list.”

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Ludwig Wittgenstein: “Tell me, why do people always say that it was natural for men to assume that the sun went around the earth rather than the earth was rotating?”
Friend: “Well, obviously, because it just looks as if the sun is going around the earth.”
Wittgenstein: “Well, what would it look like if it had looked [...]

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