I ran across this a few years ago, but it recently resurfaced in my email from a colleague, who had it forwarded from someone else. So apparently it’s still getting passed around.

I’m working on a couple more meaty posts. But this is pretty interesting in its own right:

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. Thephaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghitpclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit apboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter byistlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

Once, when I was doing my student teaching, I created a test for a “Business Communications” unit. Back then it was all about me, so I titled it “The Greatest Business Communication Test Ever” or something just as ridiculous–because, in my mind–I was the Muhammad Ali of teaching.

Anyway, for some reason, I thought it was pretty damn good. A great measure of achievement. But after I’d given it, and began correcting it, I soon realized that something was wrong. The students were bombing.

These were seniors at Elk Mound High School. The best and the brightest. We’d covered the material inside and out, and we’d done it with gusto.  It was a fun class. The students loved me (remember, everything was about me). I expected each of them to knock the test out of the park. Not because it was easy–but because they knew it (because I was a shooting, shining star of a teacher dammit).

Heh . . .

About five tests into correcting it, I realized something wasn’t right. Another ten or fifteen tests, and I began to recognize a pattern: students kept repeating variations of the same wrong answers.

It was weird.

Like Sherlock Holmes, I dug deeper.  Then it hit me. Many of the answers weren’t really wrong!

GASP!!

As it turned out, a lot of the questions were vague enough to allow two (or more) different answers! It all depended on how you read the question and from what source you drew your answer–lecture notes (me-brilliant remember) or the book.

So there I was, 20 tests graded, 20 terrible scores (I’m talking D’s and F’s for students very used A’s), and me with no clear path out of this mess. I was a little over half way through grading. The tests were already marked up.  To make matters worse, after reading the questions over again, and again, and again, and then reviewing the book, and the variety of answers — I was starting to get confused myself!

Still–I couldn’t backtrack now and change all the marks and grades.

That would only make me look stupid–creating an unsolvable paradox in the students’ minds:  How can somebody so brilliant be so stupid?

Impossible!

And yet . . .

It was a complete Farkboingstumblemuck.

Then I had a brainstorm.

This was a communications class right? We’d studied all kinds of business writing and persuasive methods right? So I made a decision. I’d continue to mark them all wrong. Everything I could find.

Basically the entire class bombed.

You should have seen the looks on their faces when I handed those tests back. It didn’t take long for the objections to start.

“Grades are final,” I said. “Unless. . . you can craft a letter persuading me to change my mind. Be clear, be concise. Explain your point of view. Provide ample evidence for your argument. This won’t be easy.  But if you can convince me to change your grade–I will.”

The letters had to be professional–typed, signed, the whole bit.

It was great.

I tell you I’ve never seen letters so well crafted. A thing of beauty. All the anger and confused emotional energy converted to productivity and channeled right into those letters. It gave them a sense of control. Of purpose. Of power.

No longer were they helpless students at the mercy of an authority figure.

Anyway it worked so well that I often still use a variation of that assignment today with my eighth grade students.

Don’t want a detention? Explain to me in writing why you don’t deserve one. Think you should have gotten more time to complete that assignment? Convince me in writing.

I handed back a big portfolio project today. A couple of students didn’t think they got a fair shake. They knew the routine. This is what I got:

Dear Mr. Wondra,

This is a very unfair circumstance. I had two percent knocked off of the total percent. This was due to you not giving me the appropriate information. I was home ill and when I came back, you gave me an assignment but no direction to empty out the rest of my binder.

I was gone the day you gave this information out to our class when A__ asked about this direction. M___ and A___ will both vouch for me that I was absent that day due to the fact that I was suffering of sickness.

I know you understand that this is an unfair gesture towards me. I will make a deal with you Mr. Wondra: if you find this letter not up to your expectations, you can give me a 99% out of the 100% that I worked hard for and deserve. I know that a 98% is good but I deserve the grade that I worked hard for.

H___

This one came with a title:

This Is Why I Deserve a 100%

By: A___ M___

Now I understand that a 99% is a good grade. It is quite unfair for me to understand why I got a 99% when I know I deserve a 100% on the project I worked very hard on.  You gave me a ninety-nine percent because you said I didn’t type up my table of contents. But I never even knew we had to do such a thing.

I may be hard of hearing, but I know I would have caught you saying such a thing. I even have looked on the rubric of requirements and it does not say typing the table of contents is required. If I had known that not typing out my table of contents brought my grade down, I would have typed it up. If you still believe that that should be required for me to get the grade I deserve, which is a 100%, then I will type it up right now for you.

Thank you for your time.

I haven’t found many notes this year for some reason. But when I do, they’re almost always amusing.

Found these two today:

Fine I will give you your leo bacfk on Monday. But first what did I say if I was talking about you. And someone. . . I’m not saying who but they told me that K___ said that I said that you were flat. And I don’t talk about you bad. O and by the way I’m not . . . or wasn’t using you. Cause if I was using you I would be nice to your face. So yeah

K____

Hey M____ Hon,

I love your hair, you look good as a brunette! ha ha. Yeah, so I hope I can get MSN. I really want to. Just my mom won’t let me get on our regular comuter so yeah. My Aunt might have a modem. So I can get the internet, so yeah. I feel bad for you, B____ and everyone just needs to leave you alone, you didn’t do anything to her, but just remember, I’ll always be there for you no matter what. I don’t care.

From Webster’s College Dictionary:

double entendre n. a word or expression used so that it can be understood in two ways, esp. when one meaning is risqué.

Book projects/reports are due next week. For most, this is not news. Of course, these four had no idea this was coming. Well, maybe they thought they might have heard something about this, but lets face it, there’s a lot to think about when you’re a thirteen year old boy.

Anyway, with a due date of next Monday looming, and a social calendar similar (I’m sure) to that of a presidential candidate, today they finally launched into action. They assured me they had everything under control. All they really needed to do was finish a, get started on a project choice, finish their, start a book, find a book.

After a quick huddle, the four asked to visit the library. I gave them a hall pass and wished them luck.

Fifteen minutes later they were all back in my room, books in hand.

But . . . something was wrong. They just couldn’t settle down.

I gave them the look.

I shushed them.

I called them by name.

Then I realized my teacher/superhero senses were buzzing like crazy. This wasn’t your normal disruptive student chatter. It was laced with something more. Something not quite right. Those chortles weren’t the innocent results of good clean humor. No this was different.

Funny Test Answers: The Collection

Today I present my collection of Funny Test Answers. They’re real, they’re fresh, and they’re hilarious. So lighten up and enjoy ‘em.

As a middle school teacher, many of these come from my own classroom, but I’m not above collecting funny test answers from other teachers. So I’ve decided to make this post an ongoing collection of funny student stuff. Most of it will be funny test or exam answers, but I’m certainly not going to pick nits here.

So stop back often, I’ll be updating this as I acquire things.

This post is broken into 3 parts:

• Funny student answers of my own (written or oral)
• Links to funny answers I find, and
• Examples of funny test answers I’ve found on the internet (pictures).

I’ve been saying for awhile that I should start collecting more examples student work. It can be pretty amusing. Just think what we’d be missing if some quick thinking professor or teacher hadn’t thought to capture these funny writing samples, or these funny test answers before handing them back. I’m certainly glad I captured these humorous examples of student work.

So without further ado . . .

Funny Test Answers of my own:

Treasure Island Quiz Pt I

The Test Question: What Killed Billy Bones?

Funny Student Test Answer:

Billy Bones (a.ka-the captain), died of a stroke. It was most likely caused by drinking too much rum, believe it or not. Just goes to show that doctors are always right. Except when they leave medical instruments in your stomach after performing gastric bypass surgery.

The Exam Question: What is a “miscreant”?
Funny Test Answer:

A miscreant is someone who behaves badly. Like Shamoo, when he purposely lands on top of his trainer because he is having a bad day. Pirates would also be a good example.

The Test Question: How would you characterize Jim so far?
Funny Exam Answer:

Jim, so far, seems to be an all-around good guy. Honest, nice, basically what every girl is looking for in a boyfriend.

Treasure Island Quiz Pt III

The Test Question: Describe what a quay is.

Funny Student Test Answer:

A quay is a baby quail that has leopard spots and is known for its skills in magic and mind reading.

Question: What surprised Jim at the Spy Glass Inn?
Funny Exam Answer:

While Jim was at the Spy Glass Inn, he was very surprised to find out that he had a very small freckle on the tip of his muscular man elbow.

Treasure Island Quiz Pt VI

The Question: What does Jim reveal to the pirates when he is asked to choose between joining them or not?

Funny Student Test Answer:

What Jim reveals to the pirates is that he doesn’t want to join them because they’re fat and have no lives.

Name the area on the map near Ben Gunn’s cave where the gig will beach.

I didn’t understand the question. I believe it to be worded badly. Therefor I don’t think you should take points off. But I think the answer is the Gallows.

Another funny answer to the same question:

The area on the map near Ben Gunn’s cave was . . . I have no idea. Because, yeah, I don’t know, and wait. . . it was an X on the map where he was going.

Why does Jim take “French leave” from the stockade (2 reasons).

Jim tells them that he won’t be in their group because they suck, pretty much!

Looking for more funny stuff?

That wasn’t enough for you? You want more silliness? Well, I’ll keep a weather eye out for more silly answers (and maybe a few visitors would also like to contribute). I’ll post ‘em here when I get ‘em.

But until then I’ve got a few related links to share. Check ‘em out if you have a few minutes and you want a good laugh. I can’t vouch for the authenticity of any of this, but, like I said, if you’ve got the time on your hands anyway–some of it’s pretty funny. . .

Links to More Funny Test Answers

• More silly student test answers. There is some overlap with the link I provided above, but some unique content as well.
• These funny exam answers are supposed to be actual responses to driver’s exam questions. Personally I find these a bit hard to believe.
• This series of funny test answers actually illustrates a great story about Niels Bohr, “the only person from Denmark to win the Nobel prize for Physics.” The author of this blog obviously plagiarized this because I’ve found the same exact story (same exact wording) on other websites. I probably shouldn’t even link to this blogger because he didn’t bother to give credit to who/where ever he found it–but I’m too lazy right now to find another source. Plus this guy also has a pretty good collection of funny exam answers on the rest of his site–even if he is ripping it off.
• Ok. So these aren’t answers from students, but excuses written by parents for kids that missed school or have special needs or circumstances. I’ve seen this before but it’s still pretty funny. This, as ridiculous as much of it is, I do believe. I’ve read too much adult writing not to.
• I think these funny questions and responses are best read out loud–even if you’re by yourself. Or maybe that’s just my auditory quirk. Anyway, this doesn’t have anything to do with school, but it does relate to presentation and language. It’s a list of things that have been said in court. Some of the stuff that comes out of the lawyers mouths is hilarious. A quick example:

Lawyer: “When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the
station?”

• Alright, and finally (for now anyway), I think I might capture a few of these funny exam images and use them randomly in tests, quizzes or assignments that I give in the future–just to see what kind of response I get. Just ignore the joke about blonds.

So like I said, there you have my collection of funny quizzes, jokes, and all kinds of hilarious stuff. If you’d like to try another fun couple of quizzes there are lots of them. Some are about superheros, some about nerds, some personality quizzes will even tell you what kind of exciting or silly person you are. Look elsewhere on my site for more fun jokes and funny quizzes about superheros.

Pooh was walking round and round in a circle, thinking of something else, and when Piglet called to him, he just went on walking.

“Hallo!” said Piglet, “what are you doing?”

“Hunting,” said Pooh.

“Hunting what?”

“Tracking something,” said Winnie-the-Pooh very mysteriously.

“Tracking what?” said Piglet, coming closer.

“That’s just what I ask myself. I ask myself, What?”

“What do you think you’ll answer?”

“I shall have to wait until I catch up with it,” said Winnie-the-Pooh. “Now, look there.” He pointed to the ground in front of him. “What do you see there?”

Let the fun begin.  Any master trackers or puzzle solvers out there? Would anyone like to try to solve the mystery of this very cool (I think) track I took a picture of in my yard last week? Just leave a comment with your educated guesses.

First one to get it right gets a secret email address to an artist blogger who will draw your face if you send him a picture (of your face), and then post it on his blog.

Hint: More clues can be found in at least one of my previous posts.